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Edition 47

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STORIES FROM THE GEORGIA BACKWOODS

When I first moved to Georgia, and before Petra came over to join me, I lived in a hotel to the north of Atlanta in a town called Kennesaw.  This is not a cosmopolitan town – think Bugle without the nightlife! Everything you can imagine about a small town in the deep-south is true of Kennesaw.  Because I was on my own, I managed to find a local Redneck bar and got to know some of the locals.  It was a kind of cultural exchange!

One day, and this was rare, a stranger walked in and we all looked at him and then went back to our beer.  This guy walks up to the bar and orders three beers. Jamie, the bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the whole pub is talking about this guy, and in a small town soon the entire town is whispering about the man who orders three beers.  Finally, about a week later, Jamie broaches the subject on behalf of the rest of us. "I don't mean to pry, but the folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"

"Yes, kinda odd aint it?" the man replies, "You see I have two brothers, and one is in Afghanistan and the other in Iraq. We promised each other we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up our close family bond."

Jamie, the whole bar, and the whole town was pleased with the answer, and soon the “Man Who Orders Three Beers” became a local celebrity and a source of pride to the town, even to the extent that Atlantans would drive out of the city just to come and watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. Jamie looks at me and then pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening - he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. In the many Southern Baptist churches prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to y’all for the death of your brother. You know - the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well...

It's just that I, myself have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

Chris Paynter